


I don’t deserve this (you look perfect tonight)

by doggo_fiends_on_a_spaceship



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming Out, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Homophobic Language, Jock!Alec, M/M, Mentions of past abuse, Nerd!Magnus, No Smut, Popular!Alec, Secret Relationship, chapters are kind of short, cliches, jace is sometimes an accidental douche, just like me, kind of a bully!alec, not defenseless nerd tho, primarily magnus-centric but alec has his own plot too, sebastian is a Major Dickbag, slow burn by my standards, sorry - Freeform, the Spite Fic, these tags are a hot mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-11-08
Packaged: 2018-11-20 23:14:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11345109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doggo_fiends_on_a_spaceship/pseuds/doggo_fiends_on_a_spaceship
Summary: In which Alec is a repressed, closeted jock and Magnus is a bullied nerd. Cliches and teenage romance ensue.also known as "the Spite Fic"





	1. cats and birthdays

**Author's Note:**

> yeah i'm just REALLY sick of the lack of nerd!magnus & jock!alec (that didn't have unhealthy relationships/OOC behavior) so here i am  
>  hope i did the concept justice
> 
>  
> 
> **_ warning: bad writing, mentions of past abuse, homophobic language _ **

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An introduction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> posted at exactly midnight. noice
> 
> and yeah i know, cliche EVERYTHING but that's like, the point, honestly

 

**magnus pov**

 

  

It had become a regular thing for Magnus to wake up crying.

He’d been having nightmares for years, but they seemed to be getting worse.

Luckily, he had learned how to cry silently a long time ago, so he never woke Catarina up. She had enough to worry about without his dumb nightmares, too.

He tried to even his breath, stop the quiet, gasping sobs. His chest ached, but he soldiered on.

After what felt like hours, Magnus finally managed to calm his breathing, trembling slightly on the sheets.

He glanced at the clock. 5:30. So he had an hour and a half until the bus arrived. Wonderful.

Magnus sighed, scrubbing at his unpleasantly damp cheeks. He blinked away the remaining tears, ignoring his shaky hands as he threw the covers to the side.

He tried not to think about it, but it was impossible. The harder he tried to ignore the lingering nightmare, the more he thought about it.

Rough hands, closed around his neck, the water rushing in his ears…

Blank, sightless eyes staring into his soul, the bloody knife…

Being alone, _completely_ alone…

He shook the image away, crawling out of the bed with a tired sigh. Walking to the bathroom, he brushed his teeth, put in his contacts.

He got dressed for the day. Nothing super fancy- Catarina couldn’t really afford fancy, but that didn’t matter. He always made sure everything matched- he liked fashion, even if he wasn’t rich enough to actually buy anything particularly nice.

He had a small but treasured collection of makeup and jewelry. It meant he couldn’t go full-out, but he could spare a little lipstick, a ring or two, some eye shadow. It attracted unwelcome attention from the jocks and bullies, but he couldn’t care less. Magnus liked it, liked how wearing it made him feel- so they could go fuck themselves.

Today, he wore a tasteful amount of eyeliner and a little lip gloss, paired with a thin gold necklace. Looking in the mirror, he was pleased with how it all came together.

Maybe it was stupid to worry about how he looked, or how his outfit matched his makeup, but Magnus cared anyway. It was small, but it was his.

“Magnus?” Cat called from downstairs. “Magnus, you awake?”

Magnus sighed. “Yeah,” he called. “I’ll be down in a minute!”

Catarina was his godmother. Before everything had happened, she’d been like his fun aunt. She was still young, going to medical school, but she had a wicked sense of humor.

Now, she was like the big sister he’d never had. Now, she was stuck struggling to raise a kid on her own with the little money she had from her shitty job as a low-level nurse. Despite everything, she always seemed to be smiling.

Magnus tried to help however he could, but no one in town wanted to hire him. He was too young and inexperienced, he didn’t know anyone with influence, and he wasn’t “professional”.

He trudged down the stairs, grabbing his bag off the hook and shouldering it as he walked down the hall, looking around for Cat.

He found her in the kitchen. It was a cramped, dimly lit little room, but it had a warm, family quality to it that the whole house had. It was a small but it was home.

“Figures you’re up early,” Cat grinned, flipping one of the pancakes. “I made pancakes!”

“Ooh,” Magnus said. “Is it a special occasion?”

Catarina gave him a mock-offended look. “Well, of _course_ it is!” she said. “It’s your birthday!”

Magnus blinked. He’d completely forgotten. “Is it really?”

“You didn’t actually forget your birthday, did you?” Cat asked.

Magnus shrugged, sitting on one of the crooked, mismatched stools. “Slipped my mind.”

She shook her head, looking a little astonished. “I can’t believe you sometimes,” she laughed. “Well, do you want to wait until after school for your presents, or…” she gave him a mischievous grin. “… you _could_ open them now...”

“How about after the pancakes?” Magnus said, unable to keep himself from smiling. Cat was always great cheering him up, even when she didn’t know he needed it. “Speaking of which, can I help?”

“Of course,” Cat said. “Here, how about you finish making the batter for the next batch?”

“How many batches do we need?” Magnus asked, grabbing the bowl. “Do we need this many?”

“How many pancakes do you want?” Catarina countered, raising her eyebrows as she turned another pancake over.

“Touché.”

It didn’t take long to finish cooking, but by the time they were done, Magnus had all but forgotten his dreams. Catarina was honestly the best thing in his life, and the closest thing he had to a friend.

That was probably sad, but Magnus couldn’t bring himself to care. She was enough. One person who cared about him was enough.

Besides, Catarina was the best. She was probably the only person who could make him laugh, and definitely the only person he really trusted.

(At least, the only person _alive._ )

“What’cha thinking about?” Cat asked through a mouthful of pancake.

“I’m thinking you should probably chew with your mouth closed,” Magnus said, amused.

She rolled her eyes and over-exaggeratedly closed her mouth, miming zipping her lips. But once she’d swallowed, she spoke again.

“Seriously, though,” she said. “What’s on your mind, kid?”

He shrugged. “Nothing, really. The usual. Homework and stuff.”

“Nothing, or ‘the usual’?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. “And don’t tell me _homework,_ you practically breeze through homework.”

Magnus took another bite of pancake, avoiding answering the question.

Catarina sighed. “Alright, if you don’t want to talk about it, it’s fine.” She jabbed her finger at him. “But if you ever want to- or need to- I’m here. You know that, right?”

Magnus gave a small smile. “Of course I do,” he said. Even though he probably never would- out of fear of burdening her, or rejection, or whatever it was that he was so afraid of- he knew that she would always be a willing ear.

“You almost finished with your pancakes?” Cat asked, grinning as she set down her fork. It clinked against the empty plate, and she stood.

“Uh, yeah?”

“Then it’s present time!” Catarina cheered. She rushed to the her room, presumably to retrieve the presents.

“You’re more excited than I am,” Magnus laughed.

“That’s because I got you a _really_ good gift,” Cat said excitedly from the next room.

She emerged from the doorway with a gift bag stuffed with bright yellow tissue paper balanced on top of a medium sized, unwrapped box.

She set them down on the dining room table. She pulled something from behind the gift bag- two paper cones. Party hats.

“Noo _oo,_ ” Magnus groaned, but he was laughing even as she pulled the string under his chin and snapped the neon purple hat on his head.

She put on the other one- which was a bright shade of blue- and grinned. “Now we’re ready,” she said. “Come on, birthday boy! Open the bag first.”

He bit back a smile as he reached for the bag. He pulled out the wads of tissue paper, and then an envelope. He opened it, pulling out the card inside.

There was a picture of an orange tabby cat on the front, and printed under it was **_have a purr-fect birthday!_** He laughed despite himself, having always been a fan of awful puns, and opened the card.

It just said in blue pen- Catarina’s handwriting, of course- **_Happy 17 th birthday! I’m paw-sitive it’ll be a good one! _**

He put the card aside, glancing up at Cat, who was shamelessly paying rapt attention.

He reached back into the bag, pulling out two rounded objects.

He turned the first around between his fingers. Red eye-shadow- a nice brand, too. The other was a tube of lipstick, nicer than most of the stuff he had. He grinned. It was perfect.

He opened his mouth to thank her, but she cut him off. “Wait ‘till you open the box,” she said.

Magnus set the makeup on the table with a clink, and pulled the box closer for a better grip. He wrestled open the interlocking cardboard flaps, and peered inside.

And there, at the bottom of the box, was…

“Miaow.”

A cat.

A tiny white cat with a gray-ish striped back. He stared at it with an odd mixture of joy and dismay.

On one hand, he’d always wanted a cat and this one was _adorable_ and he wanted to _pick it up and pet it and give it affection._

On the other, he wasn’t sure they could afford having a cat. If he couldn’t take care of it, then what?

“It’s adorable,” he said, voice softer than he meant it to be.

“What’s wrong?” Cat asked, concerned.

He looked up, brown eyes wide. “Can we afford to take care of it?”

Catarina grinned. “That’s the other good news!” she exclaimed. “I got a promotion!”

His eyes got wider. “Really? That’s great!”

“You’re looking at the Head Nurse of Alicante Hospital,” Catarina said proudly. “Now will you stop worrying and pick up your cat?”

Magnus scooped up the little ball of fluff. The cat meowed, apparently pleased with this arrangement.

“It’s so small,” he said. “Is it a kitten?”

“He’s just small,” Catarina said. “I think it’s the breed? But he is pretty young.”

The cat squirmed slightly, shifting until he was comfortable.

“I’m naming him Chairman Meow,” Magnus decided.

Catarina laughed. “You’re terrible,” she said fondly.

“Where have you been keeping him, anyway?” Magnus asked, looking up at her.

“The little shit’s been living in my closet for the last few days,” Catarina said. “I’m honestly surprised you didn’t find out sooner.”

“Did he shit in your shoes?”

“No,” she said. “But he escaped like, three times.”

Magnus laughed.

“I’ve got the supplies in my room,” Cat added. “He’s your responsibility now.”

“Gladly,” Magnus said, looking back down at the little cat. He blinked serenely back up at Magnus, green eyes gleaming. “Will he be alright when we’re not home?”

“Should be,” Cat said. “He’s… litter-box trained. And he’s a cat.”

“What made you get a cat, though?” Magnus asked. “Not that I’m complaining. At all.” He stroked the Chairman’s head, receiving a purring noise for his efforts.

“I saw him at the shelter and thought… what the hell. You’ve always wanted a cat.” Cat said, smiling. “I’m glad you like him.”

“I love it,” Magnus said sincerely. “All of it.”

“You wanna skip school?” Cat asked, raising her eyebrows mischievously. “Just to put icing on the cake?”

He groaned. “Oh, I’d love to,” he said. “But there’s a super important history test today. I shouldn’t.”

She shook her head. “Sometimes,” she said, “I swear you’re more responsible than me. Alright, maybe another day. To make up for it.”

“Speaking of school,” he said, sighing, “I’ve got to go soon.”

“I should probably get ready for work,” Catarina admitted.

“I’ll go clean up the dishes from breakfast,” Magnus said. “And feed this little guy. You should probably get dressed for the hospital.”

Cat smiled sadly. “You don’t have to, you know,” she said.

“My cat, my responsibility,” Magnus said, deliberately misinterpreting her words.

She exhaled. “Alright,” she said. “I’ll see you after work, okay? There _will_ be cake.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The bus ride to school was quiet. So was most of his day.

It was only after lunch that shit started going wrong.

And naturally, it was all Alec Lightwood’s fault.

Well, that wasn’t completely true. It was Sebastian’s, too.

They were the ring-leaders of the main group of jocks that liked to target Magnus. All of the football players were kind of assholes- only a few of them were alright, and they just plain ignored him- but Alec and Sebastian were the worst.

Magnus had managed to avoid them so far, but it was on his way to Mr. Garroway’s class that a shoulder collided with him, hard, knocking the breath out of him. Immediately afterwards, his books were knocked from his hands.

He stumbled slightly, then righted himself, rolling his eyes as he knelt to pick up his things.

“Oops,” Alec said mockingly from somewhere above him.

Sebastian cackled.

Magnus looked up, gathering his books and clutching them to his chest. Wonderful. Just fucking _great._

“So sorry,” Sebastian said, not sorry at all. He nudged Alec’s shoulder. “Then, I bet he’s used to being on his knees!”

The posse of jocks all snickered as Sebastian laughed at his own nasty joke. Alec didn’t, just smirking down at Magnus, eyes blank and emotionless.

It was like something out of a stupid high school movie.

Magnus stood, cheeks burning with anger. They seemed to think he was blushing, because they all laughed again. Sebastian began to say something else, no doubt equally homophobic and cruel, but Magnus brushed past them wordlessly, refusing to give them the satisfaction.

Fortunately, Mr. Garroway’s classroom was pretty close, so was able to escape with little effort.

 _Unfortunately,_ he’d forgotten that Alec had the same class as him, so even as the other jocks dispersed, still sneering, Lightwood followed him.

Magnus could practically _feel_ his hot, angry stare on the back of his head. He turned back and exaggeratedly winked flirtatiously, knowing it would annoy him. One way to piss off homophobes: flirt with them. (If they were the same gender, anyway.)

He didn’t wait to see his reaction, just turning back to the front. Mr. Garroway was handing out tests, listing out the rules and consequences for cheating and whatnot.

When he snuck a look back at Alec later, once he’d turned in his test, the other boy was too focused on his test- he seemed to be having trouble- to give a damn about Magnus.

Well, it seems he wasn’t completely out of luck.

The test had been pretty easy, mostly because history was Magnus’s strong suit. After this, he had study hall, then art. Smooth sailing, and then he could go home to cake and cats. Cat and a cat. Ha.

Other than a few throwaway insults, he didn’t have any major encounters with the local assholes.

Art was boring as always, with Mrs. Green droning on and on about shading without actually giving them any paper, but eventually, he was getting on the bus and going home.

All in all, he had a pretty good birthday.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't be too mad at alec! don't worry, he's not a complete dickbag. and he gets better!
> 
> also. isn't catarina, like, the best? i love her


	2. it begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus rocks that eye-shadow, and the gears in this cliche plot begin to turn...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: homophobic language

**magnus pov**

 

 

Magnus wore the red eye-shadow to school the next day.

He actually got a compliment from one of the cheerleaders- Maia seemed nice enough, even if he didn’t know her very well- but it also attracted unwanted attention.

“Oi, nancy boy!” Sebastian called from across the hall.

Speak of the devil.

The football plater approached like a panther stalking its prey, flanked, as always, by Alec and a few others. “Made an extra effort to look gay today?”

Magnus kept walking, fingers pressing down tighter on the edges of his binder.

It wasn’t like there was much he could do, anyway. He didn’t stand a chance in a physical fight- they were all beefy football players, and he was a scrawny bookworm.

“Hey!” Sebastian’s voice was closer now, angrier. “Hey, faggot! I was talking to you!”

Magnus bristled, forcing himself not to walk a little faster. Running wouldn’t help, either.

Instead, he steadfastly ignored them, even though he knew it was probably in vain.

Sure enough, a moment later he was being shoved forward.

He nearly dropped everything he was carrying, but he managed to hang onto them, stumbling forward.

He spun around, pissed. Alec was the closest- evidently the one who’d pushed him- and Sebastian was right behind him, ugly sneer on his face.

Despite knowing it was a terrible idea, Magnus dropped his books and shoved Alec right back. The books dropped straight down, landing with a loud  _smack,_ mostly still in one pile. 

“Leave me _alone,_ you neanderthal!” he hissed.

Alec stumbled back slightly out of pure surprise, but regained his balance effortlessly. But the way his eyes went wide with shock was rather satisfying.

They were all so surprised that their prey was fighting back for once, Magnus had enough time to scoop his books off the floor and flee. He nearly punched Alec first, but he figured he’d probably damage his own hand more than Alec’s stupidly pretty face.

He was already around the corner by the time they started yelling again.

It would probably come back to bite him in the ass, but honestly, right now Magnus couldn’t care less.

He darted into Mrs. Herondale’s classroom, satisfied smile on his lips.

 

Geometry passed slowly. Luckily, it was fifth hour, so he would have lunch soon.

And when it was finally time for lunch, Magnus slipped away to hide in the library. School food was a nightmare and he hadn’t brought a packed lunch, so he often skipped it altogether. It was probably a bad habit, but it was hard to care. The cafeteria was noisy and smelly, anyway.

He ended up pulling a copy of Harry Potter from the shelf to reread. He was bored, and he didn’t have much else to do.

He sat down next to the shelf, hidden among the stacks. He set down his things and opened the book. It was unlikely anyone would notice his absence, or come looking for him if he did, so he should be safe.

He was about half-way through the fourth chapter when he was interrupted.

“Shouldn’t you be at lunch, Mr. Bane?”

Magnus looked up. It was Mr. Garroway, of all people, staring down at him with his arms crossed. He looked more amused then irritated, so hopefully Magnus wasn’t in trouble.

Mr. Garroway raised his eyebrows. Magnus realized he was still waiting for an answer.

Magnus shrugged, not sure what to say. He didn’t even close his book.

Mr. Garroway sighed. “Well, I was told I might find you here. I heard that you were looking for a job. You still up for it?”

Magnus practically slammed the book closed, shoving back on the shelf and standing quickly. “Y-yes! Definitely! What- what did you have in mind?”

Perhaps he was being too eager, but damn it, he’d been looking for a job for _months._

“Do you think you could tutor someone?” Mr. Garroway asked, small smile on his lips. “It won’t pay really well, but it should be a little pocket money.”

“Yeah,” Magnus said, nodding a bit too quickly. “Yeah, I can- on what subject?”

“History,” Mr. Garroway said. “Do you want to… talk about this in the classroom?”

“Sure,” Magnus said, picking up his things. “When do I start?”

“Not sure,” Mr. Garroway said, walking down the aisle towards the exit. “Soon. This kid in one of my classes is doing pretty badly. He’s a hard worker, but history is his weak spot. Don’t worry, he’s quite a nice boy, so you shouldn’t have any trouble.”

They exited the library, heading down the hallway towards his classroom.

“Cool,” Magnus said. “Okay, so how… how would this work? Like, where and when? And… well, I’ve never been a tutor before, what do I do?”

Mr. Garroway winced. “We don’t actually have all the details yet. He’s agreed to a tutor, but we haven’t discussed logistics. I figured we should make sure whatever we do fits your schedule, too.”

“I can be open pretty much any time,” Magnus said immediately. “I only have one after school club, and drama meetings aren’t that frequent.”

“Great,” Mr. Garroway said cheerfully. “How does ten dollars a session sound?”

Magnus blinked. “Ten dollars? How long is a session?”

“That depends on you and your student,” Mr. Garroway chuckled, “But I’d say just a few hours.”

Magnus’s eyes went wide. “Ten dollars for a few _hours?”_

That was better than most of the jobs he’d applied for. Not as consistent or frequent, but it was still much better than he’d hoped for.

Mr. Garroway pushed opened the door to his classroom, gesturing for Magnus to go first.

Looking back on this later, Magnus would realize he’d missed one rather important question:  _Who am I tutoring?_

 

“Magnus,” Mr. Garroway said, closing the door behind him, “Meet your new pupil.”

From across the room, Alec Lightwood looked up from the desk he was sitting at.

Magnus’s heart dropped to his feet.

“ _Him?_ ” he and Alec both asked at the same time.

Mr. Garroway looked between them. “Is there a problem?”

Damn it. _Damn it._ Magnus really needed this job. For Catarina, if nothing else.

Promotion or not, they were still struggling. They had enough to get by, but only barely. He wanted to help her anyway he could, even if it meant… spending hours _alone_ with Alec Lightwood, professional fucking caveman.

He gritted his teeth. “No,” he said, trying to keep his voice light and airy. “No problem at all.”

Alec apparently had his own reasons, because he did the same. “Yeah, it’s fine,” he said, sounding like it wasn’t fine.

Mr. Garroway gave them a skeptical look, but didn’t push it. “Then we should probably work out a schedule,” he said. “Before lunch period is over.”

Magnus exhaled. This was going to be a long twenty minutes. “Right,” he said.

He was, in fact, right. The twenty minutes were some of the longest in his life.

He spent most of it silently screaming _why did this have to happen?_

 

Currently, he was doing pretty much the same thing, except on the bus. The day as had gone by  _long,_ as he hadn't been able to think of anything else. 

Of all people, why did it have to be Alec fucking Lightwood? Literally the only worse option was Sebastian. Magnus would rather tutor _anyone_ else in the school. Anyone but that homophobic _jerk._

Alec seemed to have the same opinion, as the whole time, he'd alternated between glaring at Magnus and completely ignoring his presence. An impressive feat, considering what they were discussing.

They ended up deciding on meeting in the library after school for two hours, twice a week, for two months. At which point, Alec could retake the huge history test that he’d apparently bombed.

A part of Magnus wanted to refuse to teach him anything, or just make him read the textbook over and over again or something. Or even better, make him suffer a little bit. 

But first of all, he needed this job, and if he did this right, then Mr. Garroway might give him an encore. Secondly, if he had to this job, then _damn it_ , he was going to do it properly. Which meant no misusing his power as a tutor, and actually trying to make Alec  _learn_ something. 

He huffed at the thought. If his new student- ha, Alec was his _student_ now- was cooperative. You couldn’t really _force_ someone to learn. (Magnus had learned this from a few small children who were displeased with the alphabet, or basic math. They had informed him that sometimes, 2 plus 2 just equals 3.)

Hopefully, however, he would be, as he seemed to actually care about his grades.

Perhaps it was unfair stereotype to have always vaguely assumed that Alec and his cronies fit the typical, empty-headed jock mold. Pretty, stupid assholes with big muscles.

But Magnus was pretty sure he was entitled to not care how three-dimensional and multi-faceted they might be. They were bullies, and that was all he needed to know.

Unfortunately, he would now be in close quarters with one bi-weekly for two months. Yes, this was just going to be fucking _great._

How was Magnus even going to pull this off? Would Alec even  _listen_ to him?

And if he did, how weird would that be? Especially when the next day at school, he'd probably be right back to pushing Magnus around again. 

Magnus had a sudden, comical image of explaining something historical and Alec responding, completely casual, _"Oh_ , okay, I get it now. Also, did I mention that your lipstick makes you look like a little bitch?"

He stifled a laugh. For some reason, the mental image was kind of hilarious, even if it was self-deprecating. He doubted Alec would be that blatant during their tutoring sessions, as apparently they both needed them, but Magnus had no doubt he'd sneak in subtle barbs of some sort.

Suddenly failing to find the humor in his situation, Magnus sighed. He glanced out the window, wondering how long it was until he was at his stop.

Not very long, apparently, as they were pulling up in front of it.

Standing up, he thought about Alec Lightwood's dumb face and his stupidly pretty eyes, full of hateful amusement. He thought of how he'd shoved Alec in the hallway this morning, and how Alec had glared at him the whole time in Mr. Garroway's classroom. He thought about how he was going to have to walk home, because Catarina always got off work late and the bus obviously wouldn't wait around for him.

Yes, this was going to be a stressful two months, indeed.

 

Unknown to him, of course, these next two months were going to be much more eventful than he anticipated.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW IKNOWIKNOW this is an extremely short chapter  
> honestly, if i'd realize how short it would be, i would've just stuck it on the end of the first one  
> but i promise, the next chapter is longer. hopefully, much longer  
> and from alec's point of view! yay!


	3. alec says "fucking" a lot in his head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically, what's going on in Alec's head for chapters 1 and 2 + some backstory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING: HOMOPHOBIC LANGUAGE**

**chapter three: alec pov**

 

Sunday had come, and so had the weekly awkward family dinner.

Maryse and Robert sat on opposite ends of the table, barely acknowledging each other.

To one side of Alec’s chair, Izzy, who was always quiet at these dinners, and on the other, his mother, tall and stern. Across from him sat Jace, who kept making faces whenever he thought their parents weren’t looking.

The tension was thick in the air.

It was always like this with the Lightwoods. Everyone knew what was going on, but no one ever said anything.

Alec was trying too hard to be perfect, to not be gay.

Robert was having an affair, and he was barely even trying to hide it.

Jace was painfully aware of how he was not a Lightwood by blood, of how he didn’t quite belong.

Maryse was bottling up all of her emotions, drinking too much at night when she thought no one would notice, and quietly passing out in a bedroom she no longer shared with her husband.

Isabelle was sick and tired of being excluded and talked down to- for being a cheerleader, for being interested in forensics and not whatever “appropriate” degree they wanted for her- but she kept quiet because she still wanted her parents’ approval.

And Max?

Max was dead.

“Alec,” Maryse said, clearing her throat. “How are your classes doing?”

“Fine,” Alec mumbled into his pasta. Truthfully, he was doing fairly well in all his classes… except for history. But as long as he didn’t fail the test tomorrow, he would be fine.

He had plans to study all night. He’d already been studying all week, he _had this._ He did, he had to.

“Mmm,” said Robert flatly, apparently not convinced.

“Isabelle?” Maryse asked, ignoring him.

“My grades are fine, mother,” Isabelle said. “All A’s.”

There was a pause. Alec began to tune them out. It was the same bullshit.

She asked Jace something about football. Isabelle huffed quietly. Jace gave a blasé response, covering his irritation.

Before Max’s death, he may have made a scene. Loudly talking about how his C’s were great, and had they seen that amazing flip thing Izzy could do?

Now, no one said anything. They just spoke when spoken to.

“Alexander,” Robert said. Alec frowned, snapping out of his daze. He hated it when Robert called him that. “Have you got a girlfriend yet?’

“Robert,” Maryse hissed. “Now isn’t the time.”

“He needs to become a man at some point,” Robert said lowly, as if Alec wasn’t right there. “Jace has already had a long line of girlfriends, and god knows Isabelle has had far more than her share of men.”

Isabelle’s fists clenched under the table, and Alec gritted his teeth. Jace exhaled angrily.

“It’s not normal,” Robert continued.

“No,” Alec said, cutting him off. “I haven’t.”

“I’m sure Isabelle could set you up with one of her… cheerleader friends. One of those lovely girls who visited the other day, what were their names…? Maia? Lydia? Or perhaps Helen?”

“Helen wouldn’t be interested,” Isabelle said automatically. Alec could practically _see_ Izzy restraining herself from adding _she’s a lesbian,_ but it was a close call. 

“That still leaves plenty of options, I’m sure,” Robert said dismissively.

 _“I’m_ not really interested,” Alec said flatly.

“Alec,” Maryse said, chastising.

“Look, if I ever get a girlfriend,” Alec began, the word leaving a bad taste in his mouth, “Then it’ll come naturally, not because you forced Izzy to set me up.”

Alec, of course, would never get a girlfriend naturally. He was gay. Attracted to men. Homosexual.

He’d never wanted to put his hands on a girl’s chest, he’d never wanted to kiss a girl’s lips, he’d never wanted to hold a girl in his arms.

It wasn’t that he had anything against girls. Girls were fine.

But he wasn’t attracted to them.

But if his parents ever found out he was gay, god knows what would happen. He would probably get disowned, kicked out. Hell, they might punish Jace and Izzy for knowing.

He stood up, plate clattering slightly. “May I be excused?” he asked stiffly. He didn’t wait for a response, scooping up his plate and quickly leaving the room.

He knew Izzy and Jace wouldn’t be far behind him.

The second he’d put his dishes away, he hurried upstairs to lose himself in studying.

He was only a few minutes in when the door open and Isabelle slipped into the room.

“Are you okay?” she asked quietly.

“I should be asking you that,” Alec replied, grimacing. “He basically called you a whore!”

Isabelle sighed. “I’m fine,” she said. “I’m not the one they’re pressuring to get a girlfriend.”

“I don’t think they’d be too happy if you had a girlfriend.” Alec snorted.

Isabelle laughed. “You know what I mean,” she said. “We both know that you don’t want to date Helen or Maia or any of my friends.”

Alec looked away. They both knew exactly what she was talking about, but he didn’t want to admit it.

Yet another thing left unsaid in this stupid house.

“Did they get angry when I left?” Alec asked, shamelessly changing the topic.

Izzy sent him a look that said she knew what he was doing, but thankfully, she didn’t push. “Not really,” she said. “Mom just sighed and asked to be excused.”

Alec’s eyebrows raised. Usually Maryse was the last to leave the table.

“I think she’s tired of the drama, too,” Izzy admitted.

Alec shook his head. They were all tired.

Izzy peered over his shoulder. It was her turn to change the subject. “What are you working on, anyway?” she asked.

“Studying,” Alec exhaled. “I have a history test tomorrow, and I can’t afford to fail.”

“You need any help?”

“You any good at history?”

“…No.”

“Then I’m good.” He glanced up at her. “Thanks, though.”

“Want me to keep you company?” she asked, rocking on her feet slightly.

“No,” Alec said softly. “I’ve got to… focus on this.”

“You’ve been holed up here all week,” Izzy said. “Just remember to take a break sometimes, okay?”

“I will,” Alec said, exasperated but fond. Sometimes Isabelle acted like she was the big sister. “I just… I can’t afford to fail it.”

“Alright,” Isabelle agreed reluctantly. “Should I tell Jace to stay away? I think he wanted to goad you into going to a party with him.”

Alec groaned. “I’d appreciate it. Thanks, Iz.”

She smiled sadly and turned to go, but he stopped her.

“ _Really,_ ” he said, sincere. “I don’t say it often enough, but… thanks, Izzy.”

Isabelle beamed at him. “Any time, big bro,” she said, sounding a little more cheerful.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Today was not going Alec’s way.

He was exhausted, for one. He’d stayed up too late, despite his sister’s warnings, and he hadn’t had a proper breakfast.

And then, just to remind him of the world’s problems, he had to accidentally crash into Magnus Bane.

He’d already been walking with Sebastian- a boy he didn’t like that much, but hung out with anyway- and then he’d bumped against Bane.

He stumbled, and Sebastian laughed, snatching forward and knocking the things out of his hands.

“Oops,” Alec said, fighting down a sneer.

Magnus Bane was _everything_ Alec hated.

Well, that wasn’t fair.

He was tall and scrawny, the classic picture of a beanpole nerd- and he was _unfairly_ gorgeous.

He was open with himself, open about who he was. In fact, Alec was pretty sure he was the only person in the school who was openly LGBTQA+. And he wore makeup- which actually looked really good on him, which Alec would not have expected. But it did.

But the little town of Idris wasn’t exactly super friendly about anything outside “normal”.

He was smart. Nerdy. All of that, and he was an outcast. An easy target.

Alec was… he was jealous. Perhaps that was ridiculous. But he was.

Magnus Bane, who wasn’t just unattainable and a little beautiful, but who was unapologetically himself. Who was _free_ in a way Alec never would be.

He had a loving mom (he’d seen her, she was some sort of nurse and she had kind eyes) and good grades and he didn’t have to _hide._

Just thinking about it made Alec furious. Ashamed and furious.

It didn’t really help that he was sarcastic and cutting, unafraid to fight back, even though he didn’t have the muscles to fight Sebastian and the others off physically. He pushed their buttons on purpose. It was practically an excuse.

Yeah. He was an easy target.

Magnus looked up at them from the floor, dark brown eyes glinting. He’d bent down to get his books, and Sebastian was looking down at him with a cruel smile.

“So sorry,” Sebastian said, mocking him. He nudged Alec. “Then, I bet he’s used to being on his knees.”

The other jocks behind them snickered. Alec kept his smirk plastered on, not reacting. He knew his place.

Magnus stood, cheeks flushed. With anger or with embarrassment, Alec wasn’t sure, but the others all laughed as he stumbled to his feet. Other students were staring as they passed, but no one interfered.

“Aw, you don’t suck cock in front of-” Sebastian began to sneer, but Magnus hurried past them, positively radiating anger and humiliation.

He darted into Mr. Garroway’s classroom, and Sebastian groaned. “Damn it,” he said. “We’ve got to get to class. We’ll get the little faggot later.”

Alec’s lip twitched, but he didn’t say anything. “Gotta get to history,” he muttered, and he slipped after Magnus.

Magnus sat down quickly, ignoring Alec. Alec stared at the back of his head.

Magnus fucking Bane.

Mr. Garroway was passing out the tests, and Alec was torn between staring at the teacher anxiously and staring at Magnus, so he just continued to look, tapping his fingers incessantly.

And then, rather suddenly, Magnus turned around and looked _directly_ at him. He winked, clearly exaggerated and mocking, but flirtatious all the same.

Alec blushed despite himself, just slightly, but luckily, Magnus had already turned away.

He was just doing this to get a rise out of him. Alec knew that.

But he was still…

The touch of lip gloss on his rather soft-looking lips, the warm color of his brown eyes, the way he was soft-spoken but confident. He was… he was likeable.

Alec wondered if Magnus knew the truth. That Alec was… he fought back a wave of nausea and prickling fear at the thought, and forced it back down. No, there was no way he knew. He was just being mocking.

Alec pushed away an irrational wave of anger. He couldn’t exactly blame the guy for pushing back, could he? He and Sebastian had started it.

He glared at Magnus for a moment, but his attention was grabbed by the small bundle of papers landing on his desk _. Fuck._ The test.

He decided to completely ignore Magnus, instead focusing on passing this stupid test.

His head felt slow and stuffed with cotton. He _knew_ the answers, he _did._

But it felt like he’d forgotten everything he’d ever learned about history. Fuck, what year did the Revolutionary War begin? 1788 or 1783? Was it Locke or Hobbes that was the pessimist? _Fuck._

When he left that room, he was sure that he’d failed.

Magnus was one of the first to finish, the fucker.

Alec went home feeling sick to his stomach.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The next day, Alec found out he’d been right.

Mr. Garroway was a teacher who graded papers _fast._ Alec was both grateful and resentful for that.

He’d failed. He’d failed the damn test.

He’d worked so hard, but he just hadn’t- he hadn’t _gotten_ it.

He hadn’t told his parents yet- although to be fair, he hadn’t had a chance. But he wasn’t looking forward to it. In fact, Alec was dreading it.

Magnus, naturally, had gotten the highest score in the class. Of course.

The next time Sebastian tried to pick a fight with him- which wasn’t too long- Alec didn’t try to subtly slip past. He marched right up by Sebastian’s side.

“Oi, nancy boy!” Sebastian called, sneering. “Make an extra effort to look gay today?”

Why was he- oh. Magnus was wearing red eyeshadow. Wow. It actually looked reall-  _stop getting side-tracked._

Magnus ignored them, clearly gritting his teeth.

“Hey!” Sebastian said, stalking closer. “Hey, faggot! I was talking to you!”

Alec didn’t even flinch at his word choice. He was proud of that. He never flinched anymore.

Sebastian nudged Alec’s shoulder, nodding to where Magnus was still attempting to pretend nothing was happening just ahead of them.

Alec knew what he was supposed to do.

He stepped forward and pushed Magnus over.

The nerd stumbled forward, nearly dropping everything, but managed to restore his balance. He spun around, dropping all his books with a loud _thwack_ and shoving Alec backwards.

“Leave me _alone,_ you neanderthal!” Magnus hissed. His brown eyes gleamed with anger, the red eyeshadow on them highlighted his rage.

Alec stumbled back, surprised. Magnus had never fought back before. Not like that, anyway.

Magnus scooped his books up with a glare. Alec almost started forward, but he hung back as the other boy darted away.

The other jocks stirred from their stunned stupor, beginning to shout and run after him, but he was already out of sight.

Alec didn’t bother. Neither did Sebastian, apparently, because he snorted and walked in the other direction without a glance at Alec.

Of course, he was nothing to Sebastian. He knew that.

The only reason he was friends at all with the bastard was because of his parents. He had to work on his “networking skills” and befriend all of his parents’ rich friends. As if his parents were capable of having _friends._ Associates, more like. Assets.

But if he did it, then Izzy and Jace didn’t have to.

Then they could have the friends they wanted, provided it wasn’t “too scandalous”, and they could go to parties and mess up and say what they wanted and date who they wanted.

Alec hung out with shitheads and played along with their games, he pretended to be straight and the perfect son, and they- Izzy and Jace, the two most important people in his life- got to be free.

There was one benefit. The only benefit, of course, the ability to vent his frustration with… well, _everything_. His parents, his stupid cru- _appreciation of Bane’s looks_ , his siblings, and… everything. It was a shameful, wrong benefit, but it was a benefit.

Maybe Alec was already screwed, maybe he was already too close to being cruel and selfish like Maryse and Robert, but his siblings were safe from that. They were safe, so it didn’t matter.

Besides, he’d never _actually_ hurt anyone. Not really.

~~That’s what he told himself, anyway.~~

And if his parents found out he _wasn’t_ their perfect heir?

They’d move on to Isabelle, and they’d probably disown him. They’d start being stricter on Jace, too, and they’d lose everything. Everything but money and their _ever-so-supportive_ parents.  

Which was completely unacceptable.

The bell rang, and suddenly realized he’d been standing in the middle of the hallway like an idiot.

Luckily, he was only late to study hall. Ms. Trueblood was pretty lenient, so he shouldn’t be in too much trouble as long as he smiled and acted a little contrite. And- bonus- Jace was in study hall.

They didn’t hang out much at school- Jace had his own friends. An odd bunch that included a cheerleader, a nerd, and an art student, but Alec didn’t mind his friend choices. They were a loyal bunch, and Jace liked them, and that was enough for Alec to approve.

They didn’t exactly approve of _him,_ of course- they weren’t subtle about that. They hated him.

To them, he was just a jock and a bully. _I don’t understand why you hang out with him,_ they’d say. _Sure, he’s your brother, but he’s also an asshole._

Alec couldn’t say he liked it, but he didn’t blame them, either. He wasn’t a good person.

Study hall was the only class that he and Jace had together that didn’t have one of his oddball gang of friends. Therefore, one of the only classes they actually talked together.

Which was good, because Alec needed to talk to _someone._

He rushed through the mostly empty hallways, slipping into Ms. Trueblood’s classroom. It didn’t take much to convince her to let his tardiness slip, and soon he was sitting next to Jace at one of the best desks.

“Oh, finally here?” Jace asked, a touch of sarcasm.

“Sorry,” Alec sighed. “I just…”

Jace rolled his eyes when Alec trailed off. “Yeah,” he snorted. “Sebastian. Right.”

Alec’s expression twisted with distaste. “No. History test.”

Jace’s face fell. “Aw, man. Did you pass?”

Alec shook his head silently.

“Shit, you’re panicking, aren’t you? Don’t do that, don’t panic.”

“Oh, that’s helpful,” muttered Alec under his breath.

“Seriously,” Jace insisted. “Don’t- you should be fine. Really. You do _everything,_ one history test shouldn’t-”

“It was an _important_ test, Jace,” Alec interrupted, speaking a little too quickly. “I’m already failing the class, I’ll get a D or a C minus, and you know as well as I do that mom and dad won’t stand for-”

“To hell with them,” Jace said lowly. “You don’t have to-”

“Stop, Jace.” Alec said firmly. “I’m not having this argument again.”

Jace sighed angrily. “So, what, you’re just their lapdog, then? You'll do whatever they say, like always?”

Alec’s temper flared. _I’m doing this for you,_ he wanted to scream. _Do you think I wanted this?_

Instead, he glared at Jace and said nothing.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Jace said sharply.

Alec was at a loss for words. Anger, sadness, and shame warred within him, but what could he say?

Jace gave him a glare, almost a sneer, and practically ripped his earbuds out of his bag, shoving them in and turning to his phone to resolutely ignore him.

Alec put his head in his hands.

 

Jace had always been a complicated topic for Alec.

He’d been adopted into the family when they were both pretty young, and Alec had taken to him very quickly. He’d been quiet at first, but Alec had managed to bring him out of his shell.

It didn't really help that from the beginning, he'd effortlessly been the perfect child. Maryse and Robert never pressured him to get higher grades or make more friends. He was just naturally a charming little boy. And when he broke something important, he let someone else take the blame, when he did something bad, Alec always covered for him. Because Jace was his best friend. ~~His brother.~~

Alec had tried so hard, worked so hard, only to have his parents' affection stolen away.

Jace hadn't realized, of course. And he'd deserved it, anyway. He'd come form a bad home, and he was soaking up the familial love and affection like a sponge, like he was starved for it. Alec could never bring himself to hate the other boy.

In fact, over the years, they’d become best friends. Practically inseparable. Even Isabelle had grown to love him, fiercely and wholly the way she did.

Jace had been… not the best of friends, sometimes. But overall, they’d been closer than brothers. Even when Alec was a little jealous, he'd always loved his best friend.

One problem: as they’d grown up, Alec had developed a crush.

It had been a source of shame and self-hatred. He’d pushed down his feelings- all of them- until he slowly made them go away. He’d never told Jace, but sometimes he thought that Jace had known. That maybe that was why Jace had always expected Alec to do whatever he said. To always cover for him, even take the blame.

And Alec had.

But he was over that. He was long over that. (Although his new crush wasn’t that much better.)

And now, Jace was his best friend.

Except he wasn’t.

Alec still couldn’t really tell him everything, still couldn’t really hang out with him outside of the house, football practice, and whatever parties Jace dragged him to.

It hurt. But it was worth it.

 

He didn’t know how long he’d been there, thinking hard, before someone knocked at the door and Mr. Garroway entered. He talked with Ms. Trueblood for a moment, then looked back up.

“Alec Lightwood?” he asked, glancing around the room.

Alec looked up. “Uh, yes?”

“Would you mind coming with me?”

“…Sure.”

Jace didn’t even glance up at him Alec scooped up his things and followed Mr. Garroway out the door.

The second the door was closed and they’d stepped outside, Mr. Garroway spoke.

“Now, you failed your history test yesterday,” Mr. Garroway said without preamble.

“Yes,” Alec said, not too pleased with the topic.

“I have an idea.”

“Oh?”

Mr. Garroway looked amused. “Yes. You need a tutor.”

Alec’s heart dropped. “A tutor?” he asked. “What about football practice?”

“We can work around that,” Mr. Garroway waved off. His room wasn’t far from Ms. Trueblood’s, so he opened the door and gestured for Alec to enter. Alec walked in, setting his things down on the nearest desk and looking up at Mr. Garroway.

“Look, you work hard. You study. You just need some one-on-one time, okay?” Mr. Garroway said seriously. “So I’m gonna offer you a deal.”

“What kind of deal?”

“You meet a tutor for two hours, twice a week, for two months. After that, you can retake the test, and I’ll take the best grade.”

“You got a thing for the number two?”

“It’s convenient. What do you say, Alec?”

Alec sighed. He needed this. He needed to pass history.

He didn’t like the idea of a tutor, he _really_ didn’t. But maybe his parents wouldn’t be as angry if he told them he was already taking measures to… correct his mistakes.

“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, alright.”

“Great,” Mr. Garroway said. “Lunch is starting soon, are you going to stay to make plans?”

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Alec said. Why not? This was more important, anyway, and it was an excuse to avoid Jace.

“Amazing,” Mr. Garroway said cheerfully. “I already have a candidate in mind for your tutor. It’s perfect! I’ll be right back.”

Alec opened his mouth to question him, but the teacher was already slipping out the door.

With a long sigh, Alec sank into one of the chairs. Right.

 

After what felt like hours, the doorknob turned again.

Mr. Garroway entered. “Magnus,” he said, “Meet your new pupil.”

Alec looked up at that name, dreading what he’d see. Sure enough, it was Magnus Bane. Of all fucking people.

 _“Him?”_ they both asked at the same time.

Mr. Garroway looked between them. “Is there a problem?”

 _Fuck._ It had to be him. It fucking had to be him, of every damn smart person in the school.

“No,” said Magnus, looking like he wanted to punch someone. “No problem at all.”

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Alec said, trying not to curl his fingers into fists.

Mr. Garroway gave them a look that said he didn’t believe a word they were saying, but apparently decided it wasn’t worth the pursuit. “Then we should probably work out a schedule,” he said. “Before lunch period is over.”

Magnus, from the doorway, sighed. “Right,” he said.

Alec groaned under his breath. Oh, yes, this was going to be fucking amazing.

Two months with Magnus Bane. Fucking great. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **just wanna say, uh, there is NO EXCUSE FOR BULLYING. alec is being a DICKWEED. like, his reasons are understandable (hopefully) but he is still being a DOUCHECANOE. _bullying is bad!_ **
> 
>  
> 
> i don’t really like this chapter, both because i just hate it and because it was really hard to write. i could literally write a short essay on why it is Bad, but i mostly want it over with. ~~i think it's because i'm much better at magnus backstory??? i don't know why. every time i try to write an alec-centric story/plotline that isn't centered around magnus, i always have trouble. maybe it's because i relate to magnus more or something? i don't know.~~ but anyway, it _is_ necessary for plot, so
> 
> next time, we’ll finally get to some actual tutoring and malec moments, and the plot will begin moving! yay!


	4. alec does the Humor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus's first tutoring session, and Catarina being awesome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not a great chapter, but i actually like parts of it! also: can you tell i get italics-happy? because i do. i'm sorry
> 
> mixed pov!!

**magnus pov**

Magnus honestly had no idea what to expect.

He was currently standing outside the library, trying to calm down.

What was he supposed to do? How the hell was he going to deal with Alec?

Was Alec going to try anything at all?

Part of Magnus was honestly sure the football player was going to break his wrist or something. But then, apparently Lightwood needed these lessons badly.

The question was, what did he care about more- his grades, or hating Magnus?

Magnus really hoped the answer was _his grades,_ because then he could just get this over with as fast as possible. Two months. It couldn’t be that bad.

He took a deep breath, and opened the door, slipping inside.

Alec was already there, at the furthest table from the door, staring blankly at an open textbook and clearly lost in thought.

He looked up when Magnus got closer, thoughtful expression melting into a half-hearted smirk.

“Oh, you finally came in,” he said sarcastically. “I thought you were just going to stand out there forever.”

Magnus’s eyes narrowed. “Excuse me if I don’t _enjoy your company,_ Lightwood.”

“Alec,” the other said shortly, rolling his eyes.

“Is _that_ your name?” Magnus asked, feigning shock and ignorance.

“Yes,” huffed Alec, “And I’d really prefer you weren’t spitting my last name out over the textbooks every day. I’m half expecting you to call me a _mudblood._ ”

Magnus nearly froze.

He’d… he’d just made a joke. A Harry Potter joke. A Harry Potter joke that was actually kind of funny.

“I think if anyone’s Malfoy,” Magnus said, trying to keep his surprise hidden, “It’s you.”

“What, and you’re the main character?” Alec asked, raising an eyebrow. “Don’t overestimate yourself.”

He said with a patronizing, mocking tone.

Sigh. And, there goes whatever tiny spark of hope Magnus had that this might not be so bad after all.

Usually, it was harder to piss Magnus off. He was pretty level-headed.

There was just _something_ about this asshole.

“I don’t see you wearing glasses,” he said snidely.

“Neither do you.”

“Please, Harry could’ve worn contacts if he wanted to.”

Alec gave him a look. “You wear contacts?”

Magnus rolled his eyes, exhaling sharply. “We’re getting off topic. We’re not here to debate Harry Potter or talk about my optical health. I’m here to make sure you pass your history test, and that’s it. So really, we might as well get it over with.”

Alec exhaled. “Agreed.”

“So where do you want to start, Lightwood?”

“ _Alec._ And aren’t you supposed to be the tutor?”

“I don’t know which parts you’re particularly screwy on,” Magnus shrugged. “Should I just start at the beginning of the unit?”

Alec sighed again. “Sounds good,” he said.

Magnus practically slammed the textbook open, flipping to the first page of the unit.

“Mesopotamia,” he announced. “Between two rivers.”

“What?” Alec asked, blinking.

“That’s what it means,” Magnus said. “The word ‘Mesopotamia’.  It means ‘between two rivers’. The Tigris and Euphrates, to be exact. Anyway, that’s the beginning of the unit. We’re starting with Mesopotamia.”

“What is that, Latin?”

“Greek. You know, like Zeus and Hades. Or the yogurt.”

Alec gave him a look that said _ha ha, very funny,_ but he didn’t seem too irritated. Which was good, because Magnus was still half expecting Alec to punch him in the nose if he got too snarky.

Which, of course, wasn’t going to stop Magnus from getting snarky. Besides, he figured he could get in a few good hits with the heavy textbook in his hands if he had to.

“Fine. Yeah, sure, we can begin there.” Alec said, throwing his hands up. “Why not?”

“You seem irritated,” Magnus said with mock-sympathy. “Do you want to learn about the first civilization or not, Lightwood?”

“The first civilization _ever?_ ” Alec asked a little incredulously. “That seems unlikely.”

After a moment, he added, sounding a little annoyed, “And it’s _Alec._ ”

“Well, it had to happen at some point,” Magnus shrugged. “There’s always got to be a beginning. Mesopotamia is, as far as we know, the first human civilization. On Earth.”

“Are you implying there might have been human civilizations before Meso-whatever… on other planets?”

Magnus finally looked up from the textbook to glance at Alec. He looked… amused. But not cruelly amused, like Magnus had seen before. Genuinely amused, almost relaxed. It softened his whole face, made his eyes warmer.

Magnus shrugged again, spreading his palms. “Anything’s possible,” he said lightly. “Who knows? Maybe we’re in an alien kid’s marble.”

“Men in Black? Seriously?”

Magnus glared at him, but for once, it didn’t have any heat. “I’m always serious about Will Smith,” he said, “And I’m always serious about aliens.”

“So, therefore, you’re always _very_ serious about Men in Black?” Alec guessed, still looking rather amused.

“Of course,” Magnus said, very seriously. “I am also very serious about Mesopotamia.”

Alec sighed. “Right. Something to do with farming, right?”

He was slouched lazily back in his chair, but at least he seemed to be paying attention.

“Very much to do with farming,” Magnus agreed. “Thanks to the rich soil and such. Anyway, let’s begin. For real this time, Lightwood.”

“ _Alec,_ ” Alec reminded him again, teeth gritted. “Stop calling me by my last name.”

“What is that short for, Alexander?” Magnus asked. “If you hate _Lightwood_ so much, I’m calling you Alexander.”

Alec clenched his fists under the table.

“Would you prefer _pretty boy?_ ” Magnus asked, batting his eyelashes exaggeratedly.

“Just call me _Alec._ ”

“I think I’ll go with Alexander. Or… what’s your middle name again?”

Alec’s lip twitched angrily, electing to ignore the second question. “Fine,” he said, exhaling sharply. “Whatever.”

Geez. He was moody.

 

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ **alec pov** _~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Magnus was… unpredictable.

Quite honestly, Alec had half expected him to refuse to help at all. To simply make him read the textbook again or something equally unhelpful. Alec wouldn’t have blamed him. Especially when he stood outside the door for almost ten minutes, like he was psyching himself up or something.

But he was… surprisingly, not a bad teacher. And he laughed at Alec’s dumb references. Sebastian and his stupid friends never got his jokes.

Alec didn’t even know why he made them in front of Magnus Bane, of all people. He figured it was more habit then anything. It was like seeing the opportunity for a pun and being unable to resist.

Apparently, he took it in stride that he now had to tutor one of the assholes who picked on him in the hallway, and was trying to ignore that elephant in the room entirely.

Even though Magnus was unfailingly sarcastic and seemed to insist on calling Alec _anything_ but his first name, even if he flinched when Alec moved too close and was clearly constantly on-guard, he wasn’t a bad tutor.

He was more involved, for one. Mr. Garroway was busy with a whole class, he couldn’t focus on making sure one student understood.

Besides, Magnus was very creative with his explanations, using metaphors Alec wouldn’t have thought of. He actually made it… understandable. It sounded almost _easy_ when he explained it.

By the end of their session, Alec actually had a better grip on what the hell Mr. Garroway was talking about in class.

Which was… nice.

Unfortunately, Alec had spent a great deal of it distracted by how _gorgeous_ he was. Like, seriously. It was unfair.

Like when Alec made some sarcastic comment about Englishmen ruining everything and Magnus actually _laughed-_ bright and sincere and very brief, quickly cut off by his hand covering his lips.

It was- it was a nice laugh, okay?!

Damn it. Alec was screwed.

Really fucking screwed.

His crush on Magnus- because _yes,_ he had the most ridiculous crush on literally the worst person possible- was fucking hopeless. Obviously. After all, Alec and his friends picked on the kid every day, and Alec was hopelessly closeted.

Not to mention even if for whatever insane reason he managed to get a date with Magnus, his parents would probably kill them both if it got out. Not to mention what would Jace think? What would Max have thought? What would _everyone_ think?

Not of him and Magnus- as odd as it would be, a football player dating a nerd, Alec wasn’t really ashamed of that idea- but of the fact that Alec was… gay. Super gay. Very much, one hundred percent gay. As in, not straight. Not attracted to women.

His parents were already pissed off about his grades- they’d found about his less-than-stellar grade in History and had proceeded to yell at him for almost twenty minutes before he’d managed to get a word in edgewise to tell them about the tutoring.

They weren’t too pleased with that, either- _no son of ours should be stupid enough to need a special teacher to pamper him-_ but they’d get over it once he improved his grade.

Not to mention how Jace was pissed at him and Izzy was disappointed, even though he was only trying to _protect_ them like he always did.

And of course, it wouldn’t be fair to Magnus anyway. Even if Alec could somehow ignore or solve all of those problems, it certainly wouldn’t be fair to him.

The point was, Alec was already screwed enough without adding dumb mushy feelings into the mix.

Which was why he felt like slamming his head against a wall once he’d left the library, because _damn it,_ he’d been _nice._ He’d promised himself to be distant. Not too rude, as he actually needed the nerd’s help, even if he was loathe to admit it, but not _friendly._

But for fuck’s sake, he’d made a Men in Black reference. He, Jace, Izzy, and Max had used to watch them together all the time. They'd been some of Max’s all-time favorite movies.

And he was just _funny._ Hell, Alec liked him _more_ now. Before, at least eighty percent of his crush was just how honestly _cute_ Magnus was. He was exactly Alec’s type- but Alec didn’t exactly know him as a _person._ Hence, the crush being not very strong and easily ignorable.

But now? Alec didn’t _know_ him, necessarily, but he knew him _better._

Seeing him again was going to _suck._

(But Alec kind of looked forward to it anyway.)

 

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ **magnus pov** _~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Magnus sighed into his coffee, not even paying attention to his surroundings as he was lost in thought.

“Magnus?” Catarina asked.

He didn’t move.

“Magnus.”

Magnus took another sip.

“Magnus!”

Magnus jerked, the words finally breaking through his daze. “Wha-what?”

Chairman hissed, disturbed from his comfortable resting place in Magnus’s lap. He leapt off, tail lashing with annoyance as he strutted around the couch and out of sight.

Catarina gave him a pointed look. “Magnus, what’s wrong?”

“What, nothing’s wrong,” Magnus said, trying to wave her off. He set his mug down. “I’m fine. Why would you think something’s wrong?”

“Project Runway’s been over for ten minutes.”

Magnus blinked, looking over at the television. Sure enough, a show Magnus didn’t recognize was playing- it looked like some sort of soap opera.

“Oh,” he said weakly. “Well, I was just lost in thought.”

“Thinking about what?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

Magnus exhaled heavily. “You know how I told you I’m tutoring someone in my class?”

Cat nodded, leaning forward expectantly.

Magnus bit his lip. “It’s Alec Lightwood,” he admitted.

Catarina gasped, purposely overdramatic. “You mean the little shit that vandalized your locker last year?”

“No, that was Sebastian,” Magnus said. “But Alec’s still a bully.”

“Entitled rich brat, right? Muscley jock, way too ‘tough guy’, probably compensating for something?”

“That sums it up,” Magnus admitted. “But…”

“Wait, is this the gorgeous one? With the hazel eyes and nice ass?”

“Cat!” Magnus groaned.

“What? I listen when you talk.”

Magnus buried his face in his hands. “ _Ugh._ You’re the worst,” he said, not meaning a word of it.

She laughed. “That’s a yes, then?”

“Yes,” Magnus mumbled into his fingers. “But he’s such a dick.”

“But you also want his d-”

“ _Don’t.”_ Magnus said, lifting his head and narrowing his eyes at her.

She gave him a mischievous grin, and mimed zipping her lips. This was counteracted by her immediately unzipping them and asking, “So that’s what you’re thinking so hard about? Some jerk’s very nice, and yet tragically untouchable, ass?”

Magnus slumped back, glaring at the ceiling. “ _No,_ ” he said insistently. After a pause, he said, “Well, yes, but not _just_ that.”

“Then what?” she asked, voice going almost soft with sincerity.

He sighed heavily. “He… wasn’t terrible.”

“What?”

“During the tutoring thing! He wasn’t awful! He’s supposed to be a through-and-through terrible person, so I can hate and safely appreciate his pretty face from afar!”

“So you’re mad… because he wasn’t a complete asshole?”

“Yes!” Magnus exclaimed, throwing his hands up. “He was a little gruff and he _definitely_ has a resting bitch face, but he wasn’t really that bad. He actually _listened,_ too- and for fuck’s sake, he made a Harry Potter reference!”

“He made a Harry Potter reference?” Cat asked, raising an eyebrow. “Mr. _Pretty But Brainless_ Jock?”

“I know!”

It was _infuriating._ Damn it, he was supposed to be an asshole! But he hadn’t even been that rude. No slurs, no violence, no mentions of Magnus’s clothing or sexuality.

“I guess Harry Potter isn’t necessarily for the smart,” Catarina pointed out. “He could’ve seen the movies.”

“I don’t actually think he’s dumb,” Magnus sighed. “He’s really not that stupid. He’s just an asshole. A hot asshole who likes Men in Black.”

“He likes Men in Black?”

“I _know,_ ” Magnus miserably repeated. “Honestly. Why are the cute ones always either taken or horrible? Also straight. Did I mention straight?”

“You did not, but it was sort of given.”

“True.”

“You know, if he’s not that dumb,” Catarina said, considering, “Why does he need tutoring?”

“Tutoring isn’t for the dumb,” Magnus said, rolling his eyes. “He’s just not good at History.”

“Defending him already, huh?” she said playfully.

Magnus rolled his eyes again. “No,” he said seriously. “Just because he’s a dick doesn’t mean he’s stupid, is all. Might be easier if he were less of a Draco and more of a Crabbe.”

“You always liked Draco,” Catarina pointed out. “Or at least in the later books.”

“Shut up.” Magnus grumbled.

“I’m just saying,” Catarina chuckled, holding up her hands in surrender.

Magnus snatched his mug from off the table, taking a grumpy sip. It was a little cold, but he didn’t care.

There was a long moment of silence, and then Cat sat on the couch next to him with a sigh.

“Look, kiddo, how about we have some burgers for dinner?” she said. “We can get milkshakes. My treat.”

Magnus let his shoulders slump as he glanced over at Cat. “You really don’t have to do that.”

“I want to,” Catarina insisted. “It’ll cheer you up, right? Besides, burgers sounds good. And I want a blueberry milkshake.”

“I don’t understand how you can like blueberries mixed with ice cream.” Magnus said, shaking his head.

“You take that back!”

“Never,” Magnus declared. He looked back over to her, small smile hesitantly curving his lips.

He paused, biting his lip. “Thanks,” he said quietly, trying to pour just how sincere he was, how grateful he was for _everything,_ into that one word.

Catarina grinned. “Anytime, kid,” she said, nudging his shoulder. “C’mon, I’m hungry.”

She got up, bustling into the kitchen in search of her car keys.

Magnus really, really appreciated her. Catarina was the best foster mom ever. She always knew what to say, how to make him feel better.

Even though she was pretty young, she always worked so hard- both at her job and at taking care of Magnus. She was a good person. He actually looked up to her.

Catarina came back in, brandishing her car keys. “Ready,” she exclaimed. “Race you to the car!”

She sprinted towards the door.

He ran after, laughing at her enthusiasm, thoughts off Alec for now.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, all of the history stuff i mention is going to be total bullshit. like, actual history stuff, but totally out of order and probably not what a high school teaches or in the right order or _whatever_. I mean in the earlier chapter, i used something from the revolutionary war, implying it was american history, but mesopotamia implies world history, so it's like.... whatever, no one cares, i'm a big nerd
> 
> anyway so this is going.... not terribly so far? sort of? yeah i'll keep working on this don't worry


	5. who are the tamil kings? merchants, probably.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace is a Fucking Idiot™.  
> Alec is late, an asshole, and also a dork. A late, dorky asshole.  
> Magnus is honestly a little bit done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING: HOMOPHOBIC LANGUAGE/UNCENSORED SLURS (mostly the f-word)**  
> 
> lol that summary doesnt make sense sorry

  

**magnus pov**

 

 

Time seemed to pass quickly after that.

Magnus was mostly back to the same old, boring routine. Just with the added bonus of a cat, and with the added… thing… of the tutoring sessions.

They were always awkward at first, but they also always ended up dissolving into entertaining banter and rambling lectures on amusing historical figures and obscure trivia. Magnus was an expert in obscure trivia.

Surprisingly enough, Alec actually seemed interested. He wasn’t a bad student at all. He wasn’t even silent or rude, other than his chronic resting bitch face (which Magnus had commented on, and he’d fucking _pouted_ for god’s sake).

If anything, he was funny. _Nice,_ even. It was plain weird.

Of course, there were a list of unspoken rules. They weren’t really _rules,_ so much as lines that neither of them ever crossed.

Don’t talk about personal shit. Don’t talk about anything outside of tutoring. Don’t talk about tutoring _outside_ of tutoring.

Just studying for history class and dumb nerd jokes.

Fuck.

Alec Lightwood and _nerd jokes._ What had the world come to?

“Hey! Hey, faggot!”

Speak of the devil.

Sebastian & co.- including Alec- approached like a villainous posse in a drama movie. Magnus almost expected them to start snapping in unison.

“Don’t you ever have new insults?” Magnus muttered, not slowing down at all.

“What was that, _fag?_ ” Sebastian spat, easily striding to push Magnus to one side. Magnus rolled his eyes and continued walking.

“I _said-”_

“Yes, I’m not deaf,” Magnus snapped, then immediately regretted it.

Sebastian’s face twisted into an ugly sneer. “Want me to _make_ you deaf, you little freak?”

Magnus didn’t know why he did it. What he was expecting.

But he glanced over at Alec.

He looked the same as he always did. Blank eyes, smug smirk, cruel tilt to his head.

What had Magnus been _expecting?_ For Alec to _defend_ him? Ha! As if.

But- to Magnus’s surprise- Alec looked away. Maybe not quite ashamed, but… he was avoiding Magnus’s eyes. His face.

Well, good. Serves him right.

Even though Magnus had no idea what it meant.

Unfortunately, with his thoughts so distracted, Magnus didn’t see what came next.

He just felt his legs being swiped from underneath him with a swift kick, his breath knocked from his chest as his back slammed against the cold tile, his books and papers flying everywhere. Then Sebastian’s grin as he leaned over him victoriously.

Magnus glared up at him, wasting no time scrambling into a crouch, gathering all of his things as quickly as possible. He narrowly dodged a kick from the jock, rolling to the side and snatching a geometry textbook from by his foot.

He stood quickly, shoulders set angrily as he glared at the bullies.

Before either of them could say anything, someone yelled from behind them.

“Hey!”

The jocks scattered, faint mocking laughter fading as they all fled to various classrooms.

Magnus turned to see Mr. Garroway, starting towards them. His shoulders slumped.

 _Great._ Saved by the teacher.

“Magnus, you okay?” Mr. Garroway asked, voice low as he approached.

“Fine,” Magnus mumbled, shaking off his concern. He ignored Mr. Garroway’s concerned look in favor of pushing past him and turning to find his next class.

And then, when he glanced up, his eyes caught on something strange.

Alec had lingered behind, like he was barely stopping himself from leaving like the others had. He was staring at Magnus- but when he caught the other boy’s steely gaze, he looked away, resolutely walking around the corner and out of sight.

Of course. Just when Magnus had begun to wonder if he was decent.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Unfortunately, that day was a Tuesday. A tutoring day.

Magnus wondered how much trouble he’d get into if he just blew it off. He really didn't want to confront Alec right now.

Or talk to him.

Or look at him.

But then he remembered that they still needed the money. And if he didn't go today, what would he say the next time? What if Alec told Mr. Garroway?

Fuck.

Sighing, Magnus slipped into the library, tossing his bag into a chair and slumping into the one next to it. Alec was nowhere to be found, presumably still at his locker or with his friends.

Magnus pulled out his phone to kill time, absently checking his notifications. Nothing.

He pocketed it with a downward twist of his lips, crossing his arms. Well, it had only been a few minutes. Lightwood would show up sometime.

 

Twenty minutes later, and Alec still hadn’t shown.

Magnus had, by this time, grabbed a book and began reading.

Almost an hour passed.

He was rather immersed in the story when he was torn from the page by a loud crash as the library doors banged open. Alec practically sprinted in, breathing heavily as he slammed his books down on the table.

“You’re late,” Magnus deadpanned, looking up from his book and raising an eyebrow.

“I know, I know,” Alec said hurriedly, slinging his bag off of his shoulder. “I’m sorry I’m so late, my brother was being an idiot and I had to convince Mrs. Green not to expel him.”

Magnus’s eyebrows flew up. Mrs. Green was famously impossible to get angry. “What did he _do?_ ” he asked.

Alec collapsed into his chair and sighed, long and speaking of having had to get his siblings out of trouble many times before. “He thought it would be funny to try and paint her room green.”

“…what?”

“Yeah, I know. Somehow he got Maia and Fray involved, and Mrs. Green, of course, walked in when they were halfway done painting one wall.”

“…Your brother _actually_ brought paint into school to vandalize the school building after hours?”

“I think he did it on a dare,” Alec sighed, rubbing his forehead with his fingertips. “I managed to get Mrs. Green to agree to not write them up as long as they promise to repaint her whole room the original color over the weekend.”

Magnus was so bewildered but vaguely impressed he forgot to be angry at Alec, just leaning forward in his chair. “Hmm,” he said. “Well, that takes guts.”

“More like it takes a lack of brains,” Alec muttered. “How are we related?”

Magnus bit back a laugh. Alec’s expression was comically exasperated, the tired and snarky quip clearly slipping from his lips without thought.

After a moment of slightly awkward silence, Alec cleared his throat. “Well, uh. Thanks for waiting. You didn’t have to.”

Magnus shrugged. “I was reading,” he said, as if that was enough of an explanation.

Alec’s lips quirked slightly, but he didn’t comment. “Well, there’s only like, forty minutes left in our session, so…”

Magnus cocked an eyebrow. “You really think I’m letting you off that easy? I don’t think so. You still need to remember who the Tamil kings are.”

“Uh, merchants, probably?”

Magnus rolled his eyes. “Yeah, like I said. You’re not getting off that easy. Sit down, asshole, we need to get through the entire chapter.”

Alec huffed, but he sounded less annoyed and more amused. “Look,” he said. “The library’s gonna close in like, half an hour. What about we just go back to my house?”

Magnus blinked, thrown by the offer.

“I can give you a ride,” Alec continued, sounding a little nervous.

Magnus honestly didn’t know what to think.

On one hand, Alec was… a jerk. A bully. This could be a ploy of some sort to lure him somewhere for yet another cruel prank. (Although, to be fair, Alec hadn’t been involved in Sebastian’s last little prank, and that had been a few months ago.)

On the other, Alec had never been anything but polite during their study sessions, presumably because he actually needed them. Actually, no.  _More_ than polite, really, he'd been... funny. Nice. Unfortunately likable.

As if reading his thoughts- or at least, the first part- Alec’s face twisted. “You don’t have to,” he said.

“How do I know this isn’t a trick of some sort?” Magnus asked, frowning.

Alec’s lips twisted into an unreadable look. He sighed, sounding rather resigned. “I guess you don’t,” he admitted. “But it’s not. Look, uh… how about this. What if we… what if he made a truce?”

“What?”

Alec bit his lip, hesitating, then held out a hand. “I won’t mess with you as long as you’re tutoring me. Like, at all.”

Magnus gave him a skeptical look. “And in return?”

Alec tilted his head in confusion. “You’re tutoring me,” he stated, like it was obvious.

“And if I don’t agree?”

Alec shrugged easily. “Then I won’t mess with you anyway,” he said.

“And what? Once tutoring is over, it’s right back to the usual routine?” Magnus asked, voice cutting and sharp. Angry. Because this was  _fucking ridiculous._ No matter how much he liked Alec, that was fucking ridiculous. 

What the fuck was Lightwood trying to say? _"O_ _h, I won't bully you while you're helping me, but after we're done, you're fair game_ _"?_ It was fucking awful and absurd and Magnus  _hated_ it. 

Alec winced, but he didn’t say anything or withdraw his hand. “Truce?” he repeated, clearly lost for words on how to respond to his question. He looked a little guilty. Well,  _good._ He should.

Magnus sighed heavily. “Fine,” he said shortly, taking his hand and shaking it. "Truce."

It probably wouldn’t make much of a difference, but it probably couldn’t hurt either. So what the hell. “Are we still going to your place to study?”

He withdrew his hand immediately, avoiding Alec's eyes.

Alec visibly brightened. “Do you still want to?” 

Magnus pursed his lips, but he glanced up properly.

"We have a cat," Alec added after a moment, as if that would sweeten the pot. (Which it did. Alec knew him better than Magnus would've liked to admit.) "He's fat and soft. So, great for studying and... stuff."  

Honestly. One second he’s not-so-subtly being an asshole, the next he’s being adorable.

Alec Lightwood was going to be the death of him.

“Well, I did promise, _Alexander._ ” Magnus said, drawing out the syllables of the other boy's name and watching as fond annoyance flashed across his face.

Magnus stood and scooped up his things, shoving his book into his bag and hoisting it over his shoulder. “Lead the way.”

He was still wary and a little furious, but right now, he couldn't help but bite back a smile when Alec grinned at him, hazel eyes bright and warm.  

Damn it.  _Damn it._

He wasn't supposed to like Alec. This wasn't a stupid YA novel where the heroine fell for the handsome asshole just because he had a nice smile and a single shred of human decency. And Magnus definitely  _wasn't_ fighting back a growing attraction to a jerk who happened to look good in a letterman jacket. 

Alec stood, shouldering his bag and starting towards the door. "My car's in the parking lot," he said, holding open the door.

Magnus raised his eyebrows, but followed after him. "What a gentleman," he said dryly. "And I did figure that your car was in the parking lot rather than in the hallway."

Alec rolled his eyes, smile still on his lips as he closed the door behind him as he began walking towards the front of the school. "C'mon," he said.

Magnus followed him out to the parking lot, humming slightly under his breath. 

He wondered if he was going to regret the decision to go along with this. He paused for a moment, hesitating, wondering if he was making a mistake.

Alec threw a beautiful smile over his shoulder. "You coming?"

...Yeah, probably.

"Yeah," he found himself calling back, running to catch up to Alec. "Let's go."

He opened the door and slid into the passenger's seat, setting his bags down at his feet and pulling the door closed.

Alec got in beside him, shutting the door, sending him a smile. He started the car and began to back out of the spot.

Magnus had a long two hours ahead of him, didn't he?

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow alecs kind of a big-time dick isnt he? also adorakable tho
> 
> im so sorry this is so short and Badly Written, especially after it took so long. i’ve got some shit going on right now but im trying  
> (also right now im on a roll so the next chapter might be up soon, fingers crossed! but no promises because i ain't about to jinx that shit)
> 
> also the “tamil kings” a hundred percent came from bill wurtz’s [“history of the entire world, I guess”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuCn8ux2gbs) video lol
> 
> (and on the "i can't believe i'm related to him"- because i'm defensive and i can just hear some dude at the back being like WELL, ACTUALLY- no I didn’t forget jace and alec aren’t related by blood but a) it’s an expression, b) alec would probably use it out of habit because he highkey thinks of jace as his brother and only his brother, and c) it still kind of applies because as far as alec’s concerned, jace is an idiot and how did they grow up in the same household again? and still be so wildly different? (which is funny because lol alec ur not as.... unreckless.... as u think) but alec still loves him, of course. platonically.)
> 
>  

**Author's Note:**

> this is written by i, @doggo-fiends-on-a-spaceship
> 
> to see what post this was inspired by, go [here](https://doggo-fiends-on-a-spaceship.tumblr.com/post/162220111713/magnuspendragons33)! 
> 
> title from "perfect" by ed sheeran


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